


i just want to say i love you

by wasteofmind



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Whole Cake Island
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasteofmind/pseuds/wasteofmind
Summary: Sanji gets called out on his bullshit (in the most loving way).





	i just want to say i love you

When Nami wakes, the sun is barely up.

Faint light filters through the portholes and casts shadows across the room. Nami can hear the soft breathing coming from Carrot, sleeping in Robin’s bed and she knows she won’t be able to go back to sleep. She gets out of bed quietly and slips on a cardigan.

When she steps out the morning air is cold against her skin and she shivers. The Sunny is empty and quiet, the chilly sea breeze her only companion as she makes her way across the grassy deck. There are lights on in the galley.

When Nami walks inside she finds Sanji smoking by the kitchen table, squinting down at the paper in front him and aimlessly spinning a pen his hand. Inventory it is then. She can’t help but stop at the threshold, wishing time would stop for just a moment. It’s been a long time since she saw their cook so relaxed, the tension he usually carries in his shoulders stowed away for now. They won. He’s back.

Then the spell is broken as Sanji notices her at the door. She must have managed to sneak up on him completely, because he drops his pen on the table as he looks up in surprise.

“Nami-san!” he exclaims, eyes wide while a sheepish smile blooms on his face. “I didn’t think anyone else would be up.”

“Hey, Sanji-kun,” she greets him with a smile of her own and enters. He stands up immediately, heading for the stove.

The kitchen fan starts spinning, there’s the click of the oven being turned on, light streaming out from the open refrigerator.

“Breakfast is going to be a while,” Sanji calls over his shoulder, already in his element as he starts pulling out ingredients from the fridge. “Let me get you something small to tide you over.”

She has half a mind to stop him but it’s always been next to impossible to say no to Sanji’s cooking, and in their time together across the seas she’s come to understand that the constant offerings are as much for him as they are for her. It’s not something Sanji’s ever voiced himself, but Nami is probably not the only one to notice the look on his face when anyone of them samples whatever wonder he’s whipped up for the occasion.

“Thank you,” she says instead and takes a deep breath. She’s missed this. The quiet moments in the kitchen, Sanji’s cooking, Sanji himself. She scoffs to herself, but when Sanji looks over his shoulder with a question in his expression she just winks and laughs at the blush across his cheeks. It’s not like her to be so sentimental.

Sanji puts down a plate with what accounts for an artwork in her mind and a sandwich in his. He gets her a steaming cup of coffee too and she pats the chair next to hers.

“Come sit with me,” she beckons.

“It’s okay Nami-san, I already ate some,” he's quick to reply.

“But still,” she persists, “Have some coffee. Keep me company, Sanji-kun,” she smiles big and tilts her head just so. Nami knows he’s always had a hard time turning her down.

“Well. If the lady insists…” Sanji trails off, the smile on his face somewhat wobbly. He pulls out the chair opposite to her seat and sits down, all in one fluid motion. Then he takes a deep breath and looks at her again, trying for calm and relaxed.

“Is it okay if I smoke?” he asks her and she nods. Normally she’d tell him off, get him to take his smoking habits outside, but Nami can tell that something about her visit at this early hour has him a little bit shaken. Maybe he can tell her intentions. Either way, she doesn’t want him running off.

Nami eats her snack in silence. Sanji’s watching her but something about his gaze seems far off. She considers small talk but doesn’t really know where to start. These last few days, weeks even have been quite out of the norm and isn’t that the real issue they’ve been dancing around? She’s glad to have Sanji back but she doesn’t want to ever have to feel like that again.

When Nami sets down her empty cup her resolve is set.

The sound of the cup hitting the table brings Sanji out from his thoughts. His eyes find her face and he smiles wearily.

“You look like you have something on your mind,” he says as he leans down to put his cigarette out against the heel of his shoe.

“There’s a lot of things on my mind,” she meets his eyes. “Would you listen to what I have to say, Sanji-kun?”

He looks down for a moment. There are these small signs betraying him; the barest hint of a frown, the set of his jaw. Nami knows he doesn’t want to be here. They’ve known each other for so long that he can probably tell what she wants to say.

“Of course,” he says regardless.

Nami takes a breath, putting her hands on the table. Straightens her back, gathers her thoughts.

To his credit, Sanji mirrors her movements somewhat. He crosses his legs and leans forward, waits for her words.

_Here goes._

“Why did you leave like that?” she asks.

There are probably a hundred different ways she could have started this conversation but during the weeks since, this is the question that echoes in her mind, refusing to leave her alone. The one that she’s being dying to voice. _Why did you leave? What were you trying to accomplish? Don’t you believe in us?_

For once Sanji gives it to her straight. She can see that he has steeled himself now, the fool. He says:

“I didn’t want to drag you guys into a mess of my own making.” He grimaces, reaching for a new cigarette in his breast pocket. “I should have broken things off properly with those bastards. But to be honest I hadn’t thought of them in years.” His gaze is somewhere far away again and Nami won’t let him off the hook.

“That’s no excuse, Sanji-kun! Did you think we would stay away? You’d have been better off explaining what was going on.”

He sighs. It takes him a couple of tries to get a flame going for his cigarette.

“It’s not like I had much of choice except go off with Bege,” his voice is low. “They took you hostage, remember?”

That’s not the worst pinch the Strawhats have managed to find themselves in. They've gotten out of worse Nami wants to say, but she knows that’s not what he wants to hear. In some ways she understands too; they spent those two long years training to get stronger, strong enough to protect the others no matter what.

“What about later then?” she says but hesitates to continue. It’s a little like rubbing an open wound. “When you fought Luffy. When you realized we’d followed you all the way to Big Mom’s territory.”

Sanji doesn’t answer. His head is tilted just so that she can’t see either of his eyes. Nami knows he’s ashamed. She also knows he would do it again if he thought the situation called for it. She knows he would go to any length to keep them safe and unharmed, however he defines it. She’s had enough.

“I was very angry with you then.”

She swallows. It’s not something she wants to talk about really, but wouldn't it be unfair if Sanji was the only one feeling uncomfortable with their conversation?

“I believed you, you know? All those things you said.” Nami bites the inside of her lip. This is tough. “I couldn’t do much else because I just couldn’t recognize the person in front of me. The Sanji I know might be a love-sick fool most of the time and a jerk when dealing with the guys, but he’s kind. Dependable when the situation calls for it. I couldn’t see any of that.”

Her voice trails off – she really had been quite heartbroken back then. And furious, filled with such rage she might have caught on fire herself.

Nami sighs. She doesn’t know what more to say, would rather not have the conversation at all. But she’s worried. She’s beginning to understand she’s been worried for a long time.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your head,” she says finally, her voice low.

“Anyone with half brain can figure out that the Vinsmokes are bad people and I can only imagine what your childhood was like,” she continues. Sanji’s fingers are drumming restlessly against the table, the only sign of discomfort he allows himself now that he’s made his mind.

“But that’s just it, I can only imagine, because you’ve never told me, or any of us. You never really tell us what you're thinking.” Nami reaches out for his hand and she’s desperate for him to hear her, to understand. “It worries me, because you keep doing this thing, where you put yourself in dangerous situations to keep us safe. To keep everyone safe no matter what happens to you. This wasn’t the first time, and I keep thinking it won’t be the last.”

Her grip on his hand tightens. Please let her words reach him.

“Sanji-kun, please believe me when I say that understand what it feels like to want to protect everyone.”

(The scar on her shoulder aches).

“But it has to include you too!”

Sanji squeezes her hand back. When he finally looks at her there’s a weak smile on his face that she’s sure is meant to be reassuring.

“I’ll do my best, Nami-san,” he says. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

Nami sighs. It seems like this is as far as she’ll get for now.

She stands to clean up after her, waving dismissively when Sanji makes to take over.

“Get back to your inventory,” she says, rinsing the used dishes with water. “I’ve already taken up enough of your time. I’m sure you’d want to have that finished before Luffy gets here.”

Sanji smiles splendidly at her. “For you I have all the time in the world.”

Apparently, some things will never change.

She dries her hands on the kitchen towel and lingers for a moment. Sanji has his back to her, leaning over the table and sorting through his notes from earlier. He’s probably glad to have something distract him from their conversation. So Nami makes up her mind and steps up behind him, leaning forward to wrap her arms around Sanji, her head resting against his back. She can hear his heart beating.

“Please remember that we love you,” she tells him before she leaves.

Nami’s not naïve enough to think one conversation is enough to fix a habit that’s a lifetime in the making. Good thing she’s not the type to give up.

**Author's Note:**

> feeling a bit rusty when it comes to writing, so i would love to hear your thoughts on this one. thank you for reading!


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